When I was 4
I had no concept of when “next Wednesday" was...
To me it was an indeterminable abstraction
To me it was an indeterminable abstraction
that made me wish the present moment away
Processing the past with adult eyes
I see portions of my life
whittled away by ignorant beliefs
Yours
not mine
for in my own minds eye
I was fine
Back then…
Summers went on longer
than the sincerity in which you viewed my reality
the grass, blending into endless fields
with a simple adjustment of my vision
Driving in the back seat of my fathers car,
I was always transfix by the full moon,
which I believed was following me
and always seeing Angels float by
But in hindsight,
that memory of the painted dot on the asphalt
in the middle of the playground when I was 8
was the best indicator
that my ability to process trauma
was anything but ordinary
The roller-coaster of undetectable emotions
were not a reliable barometer
of just how well I was staying on track
So many wasted
opportunities
...And yet
I retained my own equilibrium
in a bubble of self-realized awareness
None of which you could ever share in.
(c) Divinia Nightfire 25th November 2014
note: the "angels" and grass morphing were simple visual anomolies, Blue field entoptic phenomena, Floaters, visual snow and after images, something I still enjoy greatly to this day. Similar to how people see auras, by non focus on soft outlines in certain light rather than hard focus.
As a child, they were a calming, familiar comfort and something that kept me entranced when I was self soothing.
note: the "angels" and grass morphing were simple visual anomolies, Blue field entoptic phenomena, Floaters, visual snow and after images, something I still enjoy greatly to this day. Similar to how people see auras, by non focus on soft outlines in certain light rather than hard focus.
As a child, they were a calming, familiar comfort and something that kept me entranced when I was self soothing.
